Attraction is a very personal thing, what works for someone won’t work for someone else. What makes someone attractive to you?
- If they smell good
- If they take pride in their appearance
- If they can make me laugh
- If I feel safe to be myself around them
- If they make me think
- If they have green eyes (I’m a sucker for green eyes)
- If they’re kind
- If they take a genuine interest in me
The smelling good thing is huge for me. Some animal part of my brain craves the way my husband smells, for example. Not deodorant or shaving cream, but just his smell. 🤷🏻♀️
Gives me a piece of cheese
(but basic kindness is also a surefire way to my heart)
Good sense of humor, wildly inappropriate humor at times, but doesn’t punch down with jokes.
They remember what I said and occasionally bring it up as a sign of remembering, or just ask for details when I’m sharing something with them, even though it’s something outside of their hobby/knowledge
Someone who shows a genuine interest in me, has compassion, is an adventurous eater, and shares my political point of view.
Adventurous eater is an interesting choice. What’s the most unusual thing you’ve eaten?
It’d probably be a toss up between duck head and balut. My ex is from Laos, so I had the good fortune of trying plenty of foods that Americans would find weird, or even “disgusting”. But truth be told, most food is good. I’ve lived by the mantra to try everything (at least) 3 times.
How about you?
A strong sense of personal style.
Interesting, strong facial features.
Posture, mannerisms. How they carry themselves.
One that overrides all the others : A sexy voice that speaks with confidence.
(As in the first intance of meeting or seeing someone)
being a cat person who could spend all day in a museum with me
They care for their community and are kind to non-humans. Unpretentious around style and looks. Quiet, not a party person.
Those are excellent attributes! I agree with you about unpretentious around style and looks. Kind to non humans is a must!
For me it’s being funny, sense of humour is important to me. People can just laugh me into bed! I also like protective people, who support others
Those are both good! Especially humor, funny is very sexy.
Being kind to service workers, and being kind to animals. Immediately makes me feel safer and lets me know I can trust them somewhat.
They like cats. They don’t gotta love them like I love all these tiny jerks, but they gotta at least like kitties.
Small gestures of kindness and compassion. Things that show they think of other people, not just themselves.
Being creative. Being deep.
Difficult to say as we’re demi*. But we’ll have a think and get back to you.
Being demi* means we are unlikely to be attracted and want to do things with somebody until we have a strong emotional connection to them. Usually this takes too much time for most people and also unfortunately we usually ‘fall’ for friends who then don’t want to “ruin the relationship” or are sadly monogamous, effectively monogamous, or have hierarchy in their relationships, all of which don’t work for us.
However, we have also been considering if some or all of us are aplatonic recently as we don’t really ‘get’ relationship labels for one, and want to be close to most people we feel safe and start to gain closeness to in a myriad of ways. These arbitrary assumed lines don’t work for us and we prefer to ask what is okay and what is not, either asking what we can expect to be okay or not forever in the relationhsip or each time, though we have found things change so we prefer to do the latter mostly but if something is a hard rule or limit we do accept and respect that.
Kindness, empathy, humor, independence, reliability, and curiosity about the world are all traits that make someone attractive in the sense that I want to know them and be their friend. Although those qualities are valuable in romantic relationships too, I haven’t been able to describe what separates a romantic attraction from a friendly one yet.
