If you carry one thing with you today, let it be this: you are beautiful, you matter, and you are loved.
As always, we ask that in order to participate in the weekly megathread, one self-identifies as some form of disabled, which is broadly defined in the community sidebar:
“Disability” is an umbrella term which encompasses physical disabilities, emotional/psychiatric disabilities, neurodivergence, intellectual/developmental disabilities, sensory disabilities, invisible disabilities, and more. You do not have to have an official diagnosis to consider yourself disabled.
Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.
I’m so tired for no particular reason
I have a proletariat palette. The cheap olives taste really good, but the more expensive ones taste like soap.
Now my landlady’s car is having a problem. We already can barely pay for petrol, I’ve had to make a mutual aid post for help with the repairs. Another wonder of being disabled - if I could walk more than a few minutes it wouldn’t be an issue, I could just walk or get the bus. But the nearest bus stop is half a mile away. When you’re disabled every problem is magnified.
Have you considered changing your name to Job?
Also could a walker or a wheelchair or any other kind of mobility aid do anything for you (Ignoring the issue of the cost of a suitable wheelchair for the moment)?I’ve looked into a mobility scooter. You have to pay for that, even to use one temporarily, so no. I don’t think I’d even be considered disabled enough for a wheelchair on the NHS and even if I was, you often have to pay towards that anyway. I have been lent crutches on the NHS for free but it’s hard getting around on them, I don’t have much upper body strength.
Hmm. Sometimes you can find a cheap wheelchair for sale but its always one of those unmotorised ones and that may not be a solution if you don’t have the upper body strength, and they’re a nightmare to get into busses if you don’t have someone to set up the ramp. I wish I had a solution for you. All I can say is hang in there and I hope it gets better.
neurotypical bodies are machine that turn basic misheard knowledge about disabilities into a slur against anyone who disagrees with them.
GUYS ISN’T TRUMP LITERALLY A [mental disorder that they just learned about].
deleted by creator
I got a shift, I can afford medication. It’s… uhh. The most direct route involves taking a bus in the opposite direction so I can take a train going the wrong way that connects to another train that goes the right way so I can catch a bus that connects to another bus that gets me there.
Yey to shitty public transport and you getting a shift
Anybody else work out just so they have energy to keep their ADHD at bay? If I don’t work out I get so much leftover energy that I’m too hyper to sleep.
When my joints don’t protest too much, absolutely. Even just a 20 minute walk can really make a difference and slow me down enough to sit still/lay down to sleep.
Another day trying to trick the world into thinking I’m normal and failing badly let’s gooooooo
vibrates in barely keeping it together
Quickly, we must group hug the owl to keep them from shaking apart!
Thanks, things are going well for me, I’m just waiting for my brain to realise it too.
disabled community to the owl’s brain: you’re doing great!
i finally told my therapist about having DID and it went pretty well!! she’s looking for psychiatrists who specialize in trauma and neurodivergency that would be covered for me, so hopefully that happens sometime eventually
That’s wonderful news!
I’m so glad she took you seriously!
yayyyyyyHope it doesn’t take too long and you get some help soon.
Update on the healing journey: The wound isn’t closed still, but is neither infected nor has any scar tissue, so that’s good. The medication I got for my surgical wound, however, had a lot of cortisone, which is the main antagonist to insulin. So my high glucose levels have their origin here, thus making my diabetes the main culprit for all of this taking so long. I hope to get my glucose levels back under control soon bc holy shit, I haven’t slept well since I got out of the hospital.
Wait they didn’t adjust your insulin when you started taking cortisone? You should have an increased dose and be doing a bolus dose if you’re diabetic on cortisone. Sorry for being nosy.
I don’t think they considered that, no. I didn’t get infusions or pills, it was just salves (skin level contact), which is apparently enough to affect the glucose levels severely. I have an appointment with my endocrinologist soon, I’ll ask them if there’s something I can change. I haven’t used the salves in about two weeks, but I read the effects can last for up to a month, depending on how well your system can metabolize the excess cortisone. Do you know more?
Without knowing doses, relevant patient data (I.e. your medical history) and bearing in mind that I am wildly unqualified. Because any kind of corticosteroid treatment reduces the effectiveness of insulin treatment in diabetics (and can induce diabetes in non diabetics) it is usually recommended that diabetics on any kind of corticosteroid treatment (Like cortisone) both do more frequent blood tests and also switch to a regimen with more focus on a bolus dose (I.e. insulin taken associated with meals, because base insulin is less effective) and possibly a higher base dose as necessary (Allthough that’s secondary since as mentioned base insulin is less effective on corticosteroids)
Edit: After two weeks the effect from a basic cream should be wearing off though. We’re generally told that after a week you should be transferring back to normal treatment, and that’s assuming higher doses.
If your endocrinologist disagrees bear in mind that they’re a certified expert with access to all relevant data and I’m regurgitating a textbook
Thank you a lot for sharing that info. I’m pleased to say that I’m doing the checking already and treat the diabetes with more bolus as well. The main issue is still my “good morning spikes”, but my doctor should be able to help with that.
Good to hear that you’re on the mend, at the very least. Hopefully everything levels out soon and you can catch up on some good sleep.
I hope so too! And thank you love
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It sucks how if you have an underlying medical condition, it makes everything else worse than it would otherwise have been. Hope you get some sleep!
Thank you
Hey folks. I’ve never posted in here, so this is a long one. I ‘qualify’ medically, but I’ve always been very resistant to self-identifying with my disabilities. I asked my parents to stop posting “I love my autistic child” junk on Facebook back in the day, even though they were well meaning.
I’m strongly aware of how they influenced my past and current behaviors, what overwhelms me and why, and things like that. But the resistance to the identification is still there.
I’ve had some pretty hard falling out with friends recently in part due to my own overzealous nature when it comes to relatively minor injustices, which is a quirk of my condition. I essentially called them out for all playing a new game that directly funds horse racing/animal cruelty and was given a lecture about how tired they are of virtue signaling in response. As a vegan poster, that was the last straw in a sequence of other events.
So I guess I’m trying to break out if that resistance and see if I would be actually be better off interacting with other ND individuals.
Has anyone else experienced this resistance and have suggestions/readings on how to get over it?
I think it used to come from childhood trauma. That my life till now would have been fine if I just had been born ‘normal,’ that I wouldn’t have to dwell on every awkward interaction, that I wouldn’t have been so arrogant in college or caused my parents so much grief, etc. A lot of self blame, regret, and self-isolating to protect myself and feeling others were better off away from me too.
I get that a lot of that now is a societal construction problem, not necessarily an individualized one.
I don’t think I feel that way anymore, but I do still get residual feelings in situations like my most recent one, where my own behavior damages my social relationships, at least insofar as the group dynamic is concerned.
I’m not sure where the current feelings stem from if not the same thing.
Tldr; is there a book for people who (previously) hated themselves/their condition and so rejected communities and labels that might have helped?
Alternatively, something to help temper or more effectively harness injustice sensitivity/righteous anger?
im autistic and am basically only friends with autistic people with like, one or two exceptions. i find talking to non-autistic people generally frustrating, and even those im close to I get pretty constantly frustrated that they don’t tell me things or assume things i didn’t intend.
as for the injustice sensitivity, it really drives me nuts too and is probably why i am drawn to leftist causes. generally i just vent about it to one of my autistic friends to get it out of my system and disengage when i feel myself getting bothered otherwise. but i’m kinda a people pleaser so i don’t have trouble disengaging
also read unmasking autism that one’s good
Appreciate the response. I think that’s part of my issue is that I only really had one group of friends, so I didn’t have separate people I could vent to, others to play games with, etc and kind of compartmentalize that. Definitely a lot of unintended meaning going around.
I do plan to start reading that book, it’s already on my ereader.
the person i vent to is also in the friend group, we’ve just accepted we both have the type of autism that makes us rly petty and bitchy over nothing so we keep it to ourselves in dms lol
but i definitely recommend having more than one friend group in case one implodes. i have two that serve different purposes personally, one that’s more supportive and one that’s more silly. if you go into neurodivergent spaces and are aggressively friendly things tend to work out, or at least it did for me
Welcome in! I’m gonna try and respond as best I can, please let me know if at any point I’m unclear or come off in a negative way.
On resisting identifying as Neurodivergent
I’ll start by sharing that I have told two people outside of Hexbear that I got diagnosed as AuDHD last year, and that I have a fair bit of anxiety when thinking about sharing it openly with everyone I know or may meet. That anxiety comes from the stigma of being labeled and ‘othered’, which I think a lot of folks here can probably relate to. With the political climate in the US, where I’m at, autism has become increasingly more difficult to speak on because of the misinformation being spread and the anti-science talking points that are pervasive within the general populace and the current administration. One of my favorite websites right now is stimpunks, which I’ve posted about before in the neurodiverse comm. I think a lot of us were taught to mask and hide our differences growing up because the world has told us our natural behaviors are wrong and meant to be corrected, leaving us resistant to the very things that make us comfortable with ourselves. Fighting that internal stigma can be really, really hard. I am still adjusting to the idea of being ND almost a year after my diagnosis because I’ve been so heavily masked for so long, but we have such a welcoming and wonderful community here on Hexbear that I’ve become noticeably more comfortable with my ND tendencies IRL and here on the site. I think it’s wonderful that you want to be more openly accepting of yourself!! The Unmasking Autism book by Devon Price was a huge eye-opener for me as to why I felt the way I did and what masking really meant in my daily life. I’d recommend it to anyone wanting to learn more about themselves and others who identify or have been diagnosed as autistic. Their book Unlearning Shame is also another great read (I’m about halfway through it right now). I’ve struggled with relationships a lot as well, and I found this book on emotional maturity really helped me with understanding some of my emotional baggage and trauma. It’s older, and should be taken with a heavy dose of critique, but I think the general messages are sound. I’m sure if you search the ND community for some book recs, there’s a few posts with a place for reading lists/videos/articles as well.
on relationships
I don’t have much in terms of advice for calling people out/virtue signaling. A lot of the time in situations like that I’ve had to ask myself internally what I expect from the other person if I’m going to say something to them about a certain topic. We all have the slop that we like to consume, whether it’s games, food choices, or literature. Everyone deserves a modicum of respect to lives their lives as they want, so long as it’s not detrimental you and those around you. If it gets to the point where you’re losing respect for the person and their choices, it might be time to truly consider what you’re wanting out of that relationship and if it’s worth continuing. I wish there were more I could offer, but without more information I feel like I’m making too many assumptions and I don’t want to offer up irrelevant blather. I’m open to chat more about it if you want, though.
Hopefully that’s not too ramble-y, and I hope that answered some of your questions.
I’m a very verbose rambler, so no worries there. I’ve spoilered my replies too to make it a little less long.
On your recommendations
I appreciate the book recommendations. I’m scrolling through the stimpunks website and it’s a lot to take in, but I’ve already opened a few links to look at later. I did see that they encourage you to just kind of scroll.
I’ve heard of the Unmasking Autism book before. I think I’ll start there. I’ve never really felt like I masked in public, which is part of what leads to awkward or unsatisfactory social interactions. But I’m open to the idea that I don’t fully know what all masking encompasses and that it might help to recognize if that is something I have been doing all this time without realizing it. The Unlearning Shame book might help in that regard too. I think I have a tendency to just withdraw socially in reaction to stress so as to avoid future situations entirely.
I think what you’ve said about being othered is a common sentiment I’ve come across and felt. I think part of it was to reject the label, excel in spite of my condition (at least in some areas), and ‘prove’ to people that there was nothing ‘wrong’ with me. Nobody else I was trying to prove anything to really cared though. In that they’re just glad that I’m better off than I was.
I have a long term partner so my relationship there is great. They’re very supportive and understanding of the quirks I have. I don’t think they quite get why they manifest. But it’s kind of impossible to explain to someone what it feels like to be a child with sensory overload and have clothing ‘hurt’ you to the point that you refuse to wear it. It just doesn’t make sense.
On relationships
I understand what you mean regarding respecting people’s actions. That’s sort of one comment someone made to me during that interaction. I don’t know that context to the specific scenario is helpful. It’s hard to explain especially if someone is not vegan (I’m just assuming in this case). It’s not a direct comparison, and some people probably experience similar circumstances. But suppose that from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep, every billboard, every ad, every label on every object you pick up, every conversation you overhear all reeks of casual racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, or whichever form of oppression might apply to you or people you care about. Even FROM those same people. That’s kind of as close as I can get to describing the experience of vystopia. It’s sort of an inescapable and ever present anguish that is constantly fed. I could compare this particular circumstance to if all your friends were all playing the new Harry Potter game, despite knowing noted transphobe Rowling receives money from every copy. It kind of ruins the vibe of commiserating with that group, since interacting with them brings more stuff like that into your life, rather than being a joyful escape from it.
In general, I think that my most commonly presenting trait other than a general shyness, is justice sensitivity. I was diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder as a child, which if you read now, has been heavily criticized for being racist but also pathologizing a natural resistance to whatever you feel is unjust, not necessarily what is. So this could easily apply to things like going to school, or nap time. But to put it in Hexbear terms, as an adult, I think this essentially manifests as acting like an Appalachian Maoist who is consistently critical of everyone not living up to their expectations. I don’t think I’m that obnoxious, but it comes out now and again when I’m just exhausted by the circumstances. Especially now, as you mentioned in the political climate in places like the US. It makes it feel like indifference and inaction are more offensive than they would otherwise be and it’s definitely upped my confrontational meter a little bit.
I don’t necessarily think I’ve lost respect or hate the people I am talking about in this scenario, but it feels mutually unbeneficial to continue interacting with them, even after being friends for over a decade. I’ve done a lot of thinking since that interaction the last week or so and concluded that online-only friendships based primarily on media consumption are not satisfying to me anymore. Not that I think everyone is a mindless consumer, but they want people to relax and play video games with to escape thinking about unfortunate events, and I want people to commiserate and take action with. I am geographically isolated at the moment, contributing to my general unease, but that is changing in the next few months and I hope to join some activist groups in my new location.
Apply that kind of thing to strangers though, and it’s difficult to make friends if your hard line is stricter than others. I don’t expect everyone to be like me or have the same thoughts or moral or whatever, but I do want to get a sense that they are at least considering these things when making their decisions and take me seriously when I am expressing my feelings about them.
I feel like most people I talk to on Hexbear are in that camp. As long as someone isn’t saying something obviously heinous, people are understanding and compassionate and genuine in their interactions. Like you were with your reply. Which is part of why I decided to try posting in this mega in the first place. I’ve only felt that sense of community once before, in a completely different country, where it felt like people were all working toward a mutual goal and understanding, with everyone supporting each other along the way.
Thank you for your response, I learned a couple of things just from you sharing and I appreciate it! A lot of what you said really resonates with a lot of my own experiences.
just continuing the convo, sharing a little about myself
I think I have a tendency to just withdraw socially in reaction to stress so as to avoid future situations entirely
I tend to do this as well, but moreso once burnout really started to catch up to me several years ago. I didn’t even know it was burnout until reading Dr. Price’s book and getting diagnosed. It’s helped me kind of re-frame a lot of the internalized ableism I’d been carrying around, as well as help me understand a lot about what defines the disorder and how to better adapt to a neurotypical world. If you do get around to reading it I hope it proves beneficial.
it’s kind of impossible to explain to someone what it feels like to be a child with sensory overload and have clothing ‘hurt’ you to the point that you refuse to wear it
I feel this in my soul, comrade. Sensory overload can be so hard to communicate and navigate. I’ve found that scents, foods, sounds, etc. can cause extreme dysfunction for me if I’m not careful.
I don’t know that context to the specific scenario is helpful.
My apologies, I was definitely trying to keep it as broad as possible without making too many assumptions, so I appreciate your explanation.
It’s sort of an inescapable and ever present anguish that is constantly fed, plus the vystopia
Thank you for sharing this, I wasn’t familiar with ODD but I can empathize with a lot of what you shared.
I’m vegan! You taught me a new word, and I have felt this more and more recently the older I get. When I originally made the changes because of health issues, I ended up learning a lot about cooking, the horrors of where our food comes from, and that a lot of my food sensitivities were actually stemming from dairy and meat intolerance. My slop comment was a little harsh. I think I was trying to express my opinion that a lot of people aren’t in a place where change is always viable, since we are still subject to a very dystopian capitalist nightmare that we grow accustomed or adjusted to whether we’re trying to or not. Like with veganism, I try to remind myself not everyone has the privilege of food security or housing that allows for ingredients or tools to prepare certain foods. I don’t disagree with you at all, in fact I relate to a lot of what you shared about feeling surrounded by the constant reminders of everything wrong with the world. It can get exhausting, especially when big emotions and feeling a sense of justice is so common to those on the spectrum. I can’t remember where I read it, but I’ve seen references to people with ASD often displaying a very strong sense of morality with the added benefit of not being swept up into social norms, and that it can cause additional stress if we don’t find outlets and means of regulating around it. Organizing seems like a great way to address those feelings though! That and finding others to share experiences with.
on the relationship part
It sounds like you’ve been fair and considerate to your needs as well as those you were interacting with, which is really all you can do, right? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting something different, or something more from relationships. It’s awesome you have a supportive partner, too. Sometimes one person can really make the difference. You deserve a safe space to express yourself and be treated fairly, I hope we can continue to provide that here.
I know it’s been a few days, but I wanted to make sure I thanked you for your replies.
I made some assumptions, but I think you probably understand a little better how I feel about that whole situation I was describing. I think that I’m definitely lenient with folks regarding things like veganism and other moral choices, given my partner is vegetarian, and most of my friends are not vegan/vegetarian either. I’m sure some music artists I listen to are horrible people without me even knowing. There’s always something. There just comes a line where it feels like I’m not being given the same respect like when a friend was talking to me about what they do with their backyard chickens. To be clear though, my feelings don’t matter in the grander context, just this little microcosm of an interaction, and what I really care about are those being harmed.
I started reading Unmasking Autism and I’m still only partway through Chapter 1 because I stopped to do the activity in the intro where they have you reflect on your most fulfilling moments. That took a little while. But so far this conversation and the introduction to that book have been really affirming. I do think I made the right call in ultimately separating myself from that friend group, as painful as it was, and have been able to reflect a little on my own behavior in the process. Not just now, but in the past too.
I plan to continue through it and seeing how much else connects.
Thanks again.
No worries! We all have limited spoons and lives outside.
It definitely always feels like there’s layers to everything. It makes things harder to navigate sometimes because it can be so isolating. Even with the small stuff, though, I think those feelings matter so much. It’s part of what makes us the beautiful individuals that we are.
Glad you’re already getting some positives out of the book, as well. I still go back and re-read parts of it when I’m having a rough time.
Hit me up or pop in the mega whenever you want to chat, we’ve got a great little community here.
Haven’t been very active the past couple of days as my laptop charger died, but someone came through and helped me get a new one.
It seemed OK at first but then I had a bad 24 hours after my surgery, much more bleeding and pain than usual, but it seems to have died down to a normal amount of oozing and not much pain now. And they had a cancellation so they’ve moved my next surgery forward to the 24th.
But for the past few days I’ve had endless tingling and pins and needles in my legs and feet. I don’t think it’s related to the surgery. I’m wondering if it’s related to my hair loss as both these things started very recently. So bloody difficult to get medical help these days though.
And to top it all off: I mentioned a while ago that I take an anti migraine med that can cause autism and ADHD in your child if you get pregnant while taking it. For this reason the government now says women who take this drug must also take birth control. I had a big battle fighting against having to take birth control and I thought it was finally over - now they’ve started sending me messages demanding I make an appointment to get birth control, again! I am furious. I am asexual, I am going through perimenopause, I’m a stroke patient so hormonal birth control would be very dangerous for me and I don’t want a coil - being forced into a painful and degrading medical procedure against my will. This is sexual discrimination plain and simple. Just because I’m female I have to take drugs I don’t want or have my migraine meds taken away? Not to mention the fact that society must really hate ADHD/autistic people if they are this desperate to stop them from being born.
I have written to my local MP to complain about this but he is useless, I’d be amazed if he even replies.
- glad you got a new charger!!
god that thing about birth control is absolutely crazy. i started taking birth control again (for pcos, im also ace) and that shit sucks ass. i just love that the government can control a woman’s bodily autonomy like that. and it’s over ableism too. absolutely disgusting nonsense
Yeah I mean, blood clots, strokes, cancer, thyroid problems and headaches are just a few side effects of the pill but hey, it’s better to suffer that than to bring an autistic child into the world!
Hey love, I’m glad you got the charger situation resolved
As to the medical stuff, holy shit, not even recovery lets you rest up, does it? I hope getting the blood work will turn something up concerning the pins and tingles. Take care.
Thanks.
Yeah now I’ve had another thought. I’m wondering if this tingling could be some adverse reaction to all the local anaesthetics I’ve had in my feet these past few months. I suppose I’m going to have a battle getting a doctor’s appointment and they might be as useless as the doctor I saw last week and do nothing.
Good grief, I remember when you first posted about having to fight them on that medication the first time. I hope it goes in your favor comrade, it is absolute nonsense to put you on something that will have no benefit.
Did anything ever come from your recent bout of tests you got done? I’m catching up on the comments, but I’m glad you were able to get the cord for your laptop, and that they moved up the next surgery. Hopefully you can get some relief from the tingling and pain soon. Really hope it’s not like an allergy or something. Sending hugs and peace, love.
I haven’t been contacted about the blood tests results yet. I don’t know whether it’s because there’s nothing to report, or because the GP surgery is such a shambles now, or whether they’re waiting for the endocrinologist to deal with it.
However I am amazed to be able to report that I got a response from my MP already. Last time I contacted him he didn’t respond for 4 months. This is what he says:
*Thank you for your email regarding this matter, I deeply regret hearing about the challenges you are currently facing.
I have contacted the Secretary of State about this matter and I am awaiting a response.
In the meantime, if you have any further concerns or questions please do not hesitate to get in touch with me if you feel that I could be of any assistance.*
Maybe if they have to debate this in parliament I could get the law changed! Or maybe they are so desperate to prevent the births of more ADHD/autistic people that they will refuse to change it and force women to keep getting contraception anyway.
That’s actually decent news about the MP response! I really hope it pans out, that would be wonderful to have that actually addressed. Fingers crossed that your results come back soon, and you can get some answers.
I got the blood tests back today, and they say there’s nothing particularly wrong, everything is more or less within the normal range. Slightly reduced kidney function and very low TSH but my TSH is meant to be kept low to prevent the cancer from coming back, so that’s acceptable. The pins and needles are constant now though. I managed to get an appointment with the nurse, she said she’ll ask the GP and see what he thinks but she thinks it’s not a big deal. OK so over the past 2 weeks my hair has begun falling out to the point I have bald patches and I now have permanent pins and needles but according to medics, everything’s OK, nothing to worry about and they have no idea what the problem is. Very helpful, as ever.
That’s utterly disappointing. I’m so sorry they’re not taking you seriously and that it’s such an uphill battle. I mean, it’s obvious your body is telling you something is going on. You deserve better. Maybe that upcoming GP appointment will provide some answers or get you closer to a treatment option. Hope you’re hanging in there okay, love, and that you’re able to get some rest despite everything.
Yeah, sure, hair loss like that is totally normal, no biggie. What a joke. I’m sorry you have to go through this again.
In all seriousness, maybe it isn’t something in your blood? Or maybe whatever is missing wasn’t covered by thr tests done?
If I manage to find out where my hair loss is coming from, I’ll let you know.
perimenopause has wrecked me
I told my mom I was gonna see someone about my cycle and being a psycho (quite literally – the PMDD to psychosis pipeline is real), and I found out she stopped bleeding at 45
I’m 43
suddenly it all makes sense
this comment is here as a signpost for anyone dealing with AuDHD, OCD, PTSD, and you do all the things you’re supposed to do for those to make your life better and you still find that nothing helps: maybe it is your hormones making all those things worse
I started HRT 1.5 weeks ago, and my life isn’t magically fixed, but I also don’t feel the incredibly urgent need to end it, and that feels like progress
Nice to see you again! Sorry to hear you’re having problems with the perimenopause, but glad you’re getting help with it.
No matter how well I do, I know when I enter certain parts of my cycle nothing will make me feel better. I am so not looking forward to menopause and the stuff before. Thank you for sharing your story, I hope HRT helps you get along.
oh that’s nice to hear thanks. my meds aren’t working at all but i started birth control for pcos so maybe that’ll help a bit. right now im just in sensory overload from the bleeding though
I hope they keep working in your favor, comrade. Mood swings and stuff around that time can be absolutely wild. I’m glad you got something to that seems to be working.
lil bit of personal over sharing to relate
It makes me anxious wondering if it’ll catch up to me like that too because I get huge cysts around my cycle that sometimes burst and even had a partial ovarian torsion. My doc said hormones would be on the menu if the cysts continued to be a problem, so I appreciate you sharing because I have been putting it off with the hope the stuff I’m already on will keep me sane and comfortable enough to function. Really hope it continues to help you too.
I’m pretty sure I’m officially in burnout because of work. Last shift, I had a guy take 40 or so stops off of me but still got done when I normally would. Had I not gotten help, I’d have been out until 7pm. That shift was exceptionally bullshit though.
I hate that I’ve been writing code on and off for 10 years but haven’t had a programming job long enough to be worth looking at. I have a portfolio and active github(both linked on my resume) but am consistently getting denied interviews. I just want to make websites because I’m decent at it. But no one local or remote wants to even bother with me. And like, even if I do land a decent paying software job, at this point retirement isn’t even an option. I’m now mostly just looking for something that is steady enough to live off of until I die.
I have 4 mobile apps on the Play Store. I have over a dozen websites I’ve made in the last year, 3 of which are actually live and being used. I’m not sure how big of a portfolio I need at this point to even be considered. I think next week I’m gonna make a fake resume that claims I worked for years at several now defunct companies doing web stuff and see where that goes. Idk. Life just sucks. Ever get the hint that you should just accept your shitty existence for years but still try to ignore it? Not great on your mental health.
It is literally always moral to lie on your resume. If you’ve got any buddies who work in the same field maybe you can use the to vouch for your lies too? You’ve clearly got the qualifications the issue is getting a foot properly in the door, and that’s some bullshit
My only friend in the field is pretty by the book on stuff so probably wouldn’t lie if I use him as a reference and stuff. I do have a friend that offered to be a reference but he doesn’t know the first thing about tech.
I would still ask your friend who is by the book, you never know. And uhhh I guess you can have the other guy pretend to be management, they don’t have to know about tech right?
I asked my by the book friend occasionally and actually have 3 job postings pulled up from him that I need to apply to. One is Android dev, which is funny because app dev is an actual hobby of mine even though I’m not good at it.
The other guy, he says he doesn’t know the first thing but we are setting up a kanban board and I can tell he at least picks up on stuff. I could give him some script like stuff to say if someone calls him. I bet he could at least bs the HR people.
Your resume sounds downright impressive, honestly. Job hunting is so awful, and I’m starting to think a lot of places are just auto-rejecting applications and they don’t even get seen by real people. It can really feel hopeless sometimes…most of the time, really.
I’m so sorry work is sucking out all your energy, too. It can’t be easy juggling all the things you do. I hope you can get some rest and find some time to chill and just recuperate. You deserve a break.
I sent my 6 months feelers out asking my various groups if they have any leads. An actual Israeli zionist lviing in Israel in my horror movie discord group suggested I use Indeed. My reply was that over the past 3 years I’ve probably applied to over 1,000 jobs on there but thanks anyway. The guy has had a stable job since day one though and doesn’t get fired or quit once every 12-18 months from autistic burnout like me. Must be nice being so successful. But also death to Israel.
I’ve probably also applied to another 500 or so jobs on the various other job posting sites. No one wants me, and I can’t even do freelance correctly since no one wants to pay for a website.
Roux, you need a break, like a serious one. And while I hope cheating on a resume helps getting you a job, I really do wanna stress that an actual break/vacation/time off without obligations, whatever you wanna call it, is probably the most important thing with the load of bs you have to deal with. I don’t want this to sound patronizing, I’m really worried (and also grateful to the guy who helped you out). Please take care of yourself, and I wish I could do more than send you a hug
Last time I went on vacation I started a business
But for real though, I kind of wanna give it all up and stop organizing because it’s all turning to shit too. I made the joke a billion times but I almost just want to go start a commune away from all the bullshit of being oppressed in a capitalist society. I’m tired, boss.
Okay, a vacation removed from anything that can be turned into a business, then…? I feel you though, I tend to start getting busy especially when I have time to chill
I get the being tired part
Even if it’s just a joke, maybe building a commune really is the way to go. Maybe a commune would give you the chance to actually rest upI also sort of wanna quit this shit job and get back into fermented veggies and just sell those. I was making quite a bit during covid just selling for a few hours on Saturdays. Midlife crisis mode activated lol.
Sounds more like midlife opportunity, hah. And selling fermented veggies is so cool? You really should do that!
I was doing that during covid and was making like $300 every Saturday at the farmer’s market. We have a community market event coming up and I’m thinking about whipping up a batch of kimchi for it actually.
That’s a great idea
