So, im very “high functioning” (shitty way of organizing things but its how medical people do) and realllyyy good at masking. My autism is an impedance mismatch between me and society. If we organized society differently it would be a total nonissue. But instead i have to deal with this shit. Even among other autistic people i cant stop masking, its so frustrating. Like, i want to be able to take the mask off but i cant. Also everyone (like literally everyone) goes too fast. I dont have the time to actually analyze and realize and form a response before the conversation moves on. So any socialization (with allistic or autistic people) ends up being either me firing on all cylinders, basically redlining myself, or me just not participating in conversation. And ive gotten to the point i dont bother to have thoughts and opinions on things unless i read them or am talking to one of the like 3 people i trust in this way.

So the point is, i am socially incompetent, because social interactions are accompanied by a set of expectations that have a strong impedance mismatch with me.

Disability itself is a socially constructed idea, built on accepting societal expectations as normal and everyone who cant engage within acceptable parameters is disabled. So i am disabled in the sense that society sometimes perceives me that way. But i dont consider myself as such, because the problem isnt with me, the problem is how society is organized and structured and the norms it upholds and enforces.