I’m starting to think that I do not, and I suppose it will be one of the greatest tests I face. My partner is convinced that he will do anything for me, simply because “he loves me”, whereas I continue to have boundaries. They’re a bit of a hopeless romantic, honestly, and it seems like they’re trying to recreate a teenage-type love they never had.
I thought I was liked for more than my body, but that seems to be the main attraction here :/ And they almost seem offended when I don’t show the same level of interest in theirs and try to convince me to get on viagra or something (which is completely missing the point).
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try to convince me to get on viagra
🚨🚨🚨⚠️⚠️⚠️🚨🚨🚨
Since my daughter was born with multiple medical complications a few years ago, I’ve had to learn how to give unconditional love.
She hasn’t spoken a word to me. I don’t think she ever will. She is unable to walk, stand, or even sit unassisted. Her feeding is done through a tube and she will likely never be able to eat tendies or hot chip or really anything. 20+ hours of every day for her are spent on her back.
I have to interpret her cries and smiles and body language as best I can. Sometime she cries out and I wonder if it’s a mild pain or excruciating pain. I have no way to tell. I just do what I can to sing and talk to her until she manages to fight the pain or calm down. It can be 5, 10, 15 minutes or an hour-plus.
I hope that she feels my love for her and I can keep being strong for her.
I believe she does, and that the world is a better place for the kindness you bring into it
🫂
Unconditional love certainly exists. Often for family. I don’t think it’s a good thing for romantic relationships though, romantic relationships very much should be conditional IMO.
Yeah, I think that’s a good distinction to draw. Loving someone, even deeply and madly and truly, is not sufficient for a relationship. Love in a relationship has to be an open, working, two-way street. I love my mom, I genuinely want her to be happy, but I do not have a relationship with her, because she can’t love me or herself. Relationships are always conditional, that’s ultimately what boundaries are.
Word. Truly starting to believe that I might be better off alone if this is all there is
There are absolutely better people out there but finding them and making a real connection can be exhausting
Especially in this day and age. It’s all so utterly dystopian
no
i love my partner, and it’s on the condition that he does not abuse me. if he were to abuse me, i would not love him
it’s very unlikely he will abuse me and he respects my boundaries, but that’s still a condition
Yeah absolutely. You feel it the moment your kids are born.
Partners I think are always conditional, even spouses. Some fuck ups are too big to be forgivable. But I can’t think of anything that would make me stop loving my kids.
I came here to say this as well. I was reading in one parenting book that you need to have unconditional love for your kids and state that to them as well. It lets them know there will always be someone there for them no matter what happens.
Yes, I will always love my partner no matter who they become or how they treat me. They have been such an important part of my life for so long that the impact they have had on me is inseperable from who i am. I love them for who they have made me and how I have grown with them. We could seperate and I would still love them, just in a different way. I want their life to be one worth living with or without me. I think this is unconditional love.
Edit: I feel I should clarify that I don’t just want my partner to have a life worth living. I want her to flourish even if that means me not being a part of my life. If me leaving made her life genuinely better I think I would do it. Admittedly though, not without severe diffuculty.
Yes, like if my SO started doing pure evil shit I’d still love them despite not wanting to be around them
Yeah, I would just be worried about them and hope they can get better.
no conditions? no context? love doesn’t fall out of a coconut tree!
Unconditional love doesn’t mean you continue to love somebody no matter what they do. It’s more that your love flows from your feeling for a person and the love mostly remains steady not being dependant on a day to day action. Conditional love would require an I love you at a certain time or your not loved anymore or whatever have you. Perhaps it is more limerence or a possessive love they have for you. Either way I would get far away from this as it does not sound like they have a respectful love for you. In answer to the question I will stop loving somebody if they do something unforgivable.
No. I do, however, believe in unconditional positive regard. Essentially, believing that people are doing the best they can with what they have, and genuinely wanting the best for them.
In interpersonal — and especially romantic relationships — success is largely contingent upon mutual adherence to agreed upon conditions. Anyone promoting unconditional love in romantic relationships is likely promoting abuse.
Love is a two way street.
Regard is a one way street.
That’s a great way of looking at it. I’ve reflected and bit and think I need to make sure their needs are being met.
We probably also need to have a conversation about what love means to both of us because it sounds like they’re in love with the idea of love, which I find very childish at this age.
Yes and no.
I love my children unconditionally. I am fortunate enough to have parents that, despite their hopeless liberalism, are relatively supportive of me and always have been. I love my parents unconditionally.
I’ve had too many failed relationships to say that I love unconditionally there. My unconditional love for former partners has gotten my teeth loosened for me, cars wrecked and totaled, guns pulled on me, and faced eviction a time or two as well. It may well be that my own stupid ass set myself up for failure there, but still… love without reservation, absolutely. That’s what love is, IMO. But unconditionally? No.
Absolutely not. All love is conditional and it should be. There’s always something you can do to make people who would otherwise love you hate you forever instead.
No I don’t believe in unconditional love, and please don’t let this person pressure you into taking things you don’t want to take. Especially when it’s not even for your benefit but for theirs. If he loved you he wouldn’t pressure you or risk your health for his benefit.
My partner is convinced that he will do anything for me
Here’s something for them to do for you: Adjust their attitude to cease making demands upon your mental state. Stop trying to manipulate you into a position of emotional subservience where your emotions follow the pattern they set out for you.
If he wants to experience a relationship that way, that’s his prerogative. But if I understand correctly: he is trying to convince you to accept a philosophy of “unconditional” partnership? It’s naive/silly at best, but could be the prelude to some real bad future dynamics.
However you feel is how you feel. No amount of argumentation from him, all of hexbear or internal dialogue will make your emotions different. So he has to decide if he is satisfied with that. If he is not then you will grow to resent each other, if you don’t already.
I thought I was liked for more than my body, but that seems to be the main attraction here
Doesn’t sound very unconditional to me.
I’m not the person to take answers from, but no. I think it’s sort of a maladaptive thing to idealize. You should be responsive to new circumstances rather than attached to some grandiose contract.
At the same time, I feel that belief, that the relationship meaning something to you personally, is more important than what your hormones are or aren’t urging of you. I’d just ask your partner about why they love you, since that seems to be your main concern and, so long as everyone would be safe, usually just talking things out directly is the best answer. Perhaps you will get an answer that you can’t stomach (I’m not saying it’s likely, I have no idea), but it’s better to know now rather than later, right? And even if you do, if you want to you can try to engage critically with them on that and on your value as a person rather than just a sexual totem.
