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Joined 4 年前
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Cake day: 2021年7月18日

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  • Hey. I hope you’re alright. I wrote a response to another thread, but I couldn’t post on it. I hope it’s alright if I post my response here. I hope it helps!

    Good relationships have availability, responsiveness, and engagement. Why? The bottom of it all is whether someone will be there for us, whether someone will hold us.

    You’d think that this means that someone needs to respond immediately to our text messages, but that is not necessarily true. Different people have different sensitivities. For example, some people have more sore spots than others.

    What are sore spots? They are painful memories or thoughts of being rejected. They are wounds that we carry with us. Sometimes, when we are close to someone, our wounds are touched, and that can hurt. When our sore spots are activated, some people start demanding in all sorts of ways, yelling or being passive-aggressive. Others withdraw, staying quiet or sulking. Ideally, we can slowly heal our wounds by letting our partners see them and take care of them. This is very vulnerable, and it requires care.

    When our wounds heal, we can re-calibrate our emotions. We no longer feel fear of rejection. We no longer demand or withdraw. We can hold each other tightly. We can feel very securely attached to our partner. We can spend a whole day without messaging and we still feel connected. Heck, our partner could go on a business trip, not message us, and we’d still feel safe.

    Of course, wounds can sometimes open up again. We are vulnerable creatures. And that’s alright. As long as we know how to heal wounds, we are ultimately safe.

    So, to answer your question your question, I’d say most healthy relationships don’t really leave partners on “read”. However, different people have different sensitivities, and what ultimately matters is whether we feel securely attached with our partners.

    If you’re curious about this way of thinking and the research behind it, check out Sue Johnson’s Hold me tight.


  • There’s actually research on this. There are groups of people that donate more than others. There are two groups of people that really matter for this: people who have protection values and people who have democratic values.

    People with protection values care about themselves and their people (their family, their clan, their tribe, their religion, their nation). People with democratic values care about humans in general, regardless of their religion, nationality, what family they come from, etc.

    So, who donates more money? People with democratic values.

    You can check out Christian Welzel’s Freedom Rising for more on this :)



  • Ghosts are the creation of our minds. And it turns out that our minds are flawed machines. This was shown by someone and they won a Nobel Prize for it (Daniel Kahnemann). If we understand our flawed minds, we understand why ghosts aren’t racist.

    When you think of something, you run a simplified simulation of it. When you run these simulations, you don’t think about other things. For example, when people fantasize about achieving something, they usually run the simulation of having gotten the job and the money or having solved the tough problem. However, they usually don’t think about the path to achieving that goal. This is called the planning fallacy. It’s also called the Motivation Wave in Behavior Design.

    Another example of these simplified simulations is the halo effect. The halo effect starts when you notice something good about someone. Maybe they’re attractive. Maybe they’re on your same team or political group or religion or whatever. The thing is that you end up building a good preconception of that person. You assume they’re kind and smart and many other positive things. Again, your mind is running a simplified simulation. Even if you notice bad stuff about the other person, you may ignore it because our mind is a flawed machine and it’s stuck with the idea that the other person is good.

    So, how do simplified simulations lead to non-racist ghosts? Well, we all share an idea of what a ghost is. We tell each other ghost stories or we watch movies with ghosts in them. All of that feeds the simplified simulations we run when we think of ghosts. And we don’t include racism in those simulations.

    This doesn’t mean that we can’t escape simplified simulations. This is a tough problem that many people have tried to solve in many different ways. These attempts have resulted in an arsenal of methods: psychological flexibility exercises, mental contrasting, pre-mortems, the Delphi method, red team blue team exercises, weak signal detection, etc. Notice that all of these tools try to transform our preconceptions.

    Of course, a very simple way of transforming our preconceptions is to prove them wrong. I suppose in the case of non-racist ghosts, it’s a matter of creating racist ghosts. This project, however, brings up the old adage: just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

    If you’re interested in simplified simulations, I recommend Lisa Feldman Barret’s books. You can also check out Daniel Kahnemann, Gary Klein, and Dave Snowden.


  • This post tickles a fond memory of mine. I was talking to a right-wing libertarian, and he said there should be no research done ever if it couldn’t prove beforehand its practical applications. I laughed out loud because I knew how ignorant and ridiculous that statement was. He clearly had never picked up a book on the history of science, on the history of these things:

    • quantum mechanics. It would be a shame if the poor libertarian didn’t have semiconductors in his phone, or if he didn’t have access to lasers for his LASIK surgery (which he actually did have), both of which are technologies built by basic research that didn’t have practical applications in mind.
    • electromagnetism. It would be a shame if the poor libertarian was having his LASIK surgery and the power went out without there being a generator, a technology built by basic research that didn’t have practical applications in mind.
    • X-rays. It would be a shame if the poor libertarian didn’t have x-rays to check the inside of his body in case something went wrong, a technology built by basic research that didn’t have practical applications in mind.
    • superconductivity. It would be a shame if the poor libertarian didn’t have superconductors for an MRI to check the inside of his body in case something went wrong, a technology built by basic research that didn’t have practical applications in mind.
    • radio waves. It would be a shame if the poor libertarian didn’t have radio waves for his phone and computer’s wifi and bluetooth to run his digital business, technologies built by basic research that didn’t have practical applications in mind.

  • Ah that makes sense. Maybe it’s a European/US difference, but it could be just a Time Timer thing. My air fryer is from an American company and it has the same timer as you (wind it up clockwise, then the hand moves counter-clockwise).

    I wonder if both types of timers (wind up clockwise and wind up counter-clockwise) seek to distinguish themselves from normal clocks in different ways:

    • Wind up clockwise timers (like your stove and my airfryer) let you know it’s not a normal clock by flowing counter-clockwise.
    • Clockwise timers (like a Time Timer) let you know it’s not a normal clock by having a red disk slowly become smaller.


  • Ah. To set up the timer, you do pull the hand counter clockwise, as if you were pulling a spring-loaded car backwards for it to move forward on its own. After you release the Time Timer, its hand will move forward on its own, normally, clockwise.

    It is a bit unusual, but the point of the timer is to see how much time you’ve got left. It’s like a battery charge percentage. You know that when the battery reaches zero, you’ve got to charge it up again.

    I hope the explanation helps. If not, feel free to ask or to check out the videos in the Time Timer website. After all, it is a strange product.


  • A Time Timer.

    They’re not cheap, especially for a timer that’s bare bones (~20 USD).

    But it has changed my work life.

    1. People who want to interrupt me while I’m working can now see how long until I have my next break. So I am interrupted less.
    2. Now I self-regulate a bit better, so I’m able to work longer without destroying myself in the process. I take breaks that help me with repetitive strain injuries and with feeling like I’m a human being and not just a machine.
    3. Now I remember to actually start timers when I start working. I know this is a bit silly, but I was having trouble creating a habit of stopping for breaks. I tried to solve this by setting timers on my phone, but I constantly forgot doing it. Now I’m reminded to start a timer by something that I see on my desk.



  • I’m so sorry for the wall of text. I hope I can come back and clean it up and make it clearer:

    How to work?

    Use the Pomodoro technique: 25 minutes of work - 5 minutes of break

    1. Set a 25 minute timer.
    2. Remove all distractions, especially social media and notifications.
    3. Work until the timer runs out.
    4. Set a 5 minute timer. Take a break. Stand. Drink water. Don’t use your phone or social media. Repeat.

    Make sure to celebrate (1) when you remember to do a Pomdoro, (2) while doing it, and (3) immediately after you finish it.

    What do I mean by celebrating? Imagine you got an email telling you that you got the job you wanted. How would you react? Or imagine your favorite teacher/professor tells you they’re proud of you. How would you react? Try to generate those emotions to celebrate.

    Why celebrate? Habits are not created by repetition. They’re created by emotions. Dopamine creates connections and fosters learning.

    How to make sure that information sticks in your brain and that you understand deeply? Active recall. After you read something, close the book or your computer and try to explain it from memory. This doesn’t work if it’s not from memory. It doesn’t matter if you struggle. In fact, the more you struggle to remember something, the better you learn it.

    I like to structure my active recalls with Visible Thinking Routines. You can search for them online. I particularly like See-Think-Wonder, Think-Puzzle-Explore, and Connect-Extend-Challenge.

    Now, I’ll recommend some resources:

    The single most useful thing you could do for the least effort is mindfulness. It’ll help you get out of mental ruts. You could use the Healthy Minds program. I donate to them. They’re wonderful.

    Second most powerful thing you could do is work on psychological flexibility. You can check out A Liberated Mind by Steven C. Hayes. I cannot stress enough how important psychological flexibility is. It underlies everything we do.

    If you want to learn about Visible Thinking Routines, there’s a book on it. I don’t remember the name, but the introduction is spectacular and gives a good sense of why we should focus on deeply understanding rather than rote memorization or mindless repetition. This technique (thinking visibly) is the single most important reason I graduated summa cum laude from my programs. I used to suck at studying. Now I am good at it thanks to visible thinking routines (and Anki).

    I also recommend Make it stick the book. Additionally, I recommend Barbara Oakley’s Learn like a Pro, but I only do it if you first read A Liberated Mind, the book on visible thinking routines, Tiny Habits, and The Sleep Book. Why? Oakley’s book teaches a bunch of stuff that I think is straight up wrong and potentially dangerous, such as its recommendations for sleep and for habit formation.

    I mentioned it but I should single out Tiny Habits. It’s a game changer. It will help you do anything in life.

    You could do relational frame training if you want to increase the speed at which you understand things through relations. Check out Steven Hayes’ A Liberated Mind for more on this.

    If Pomodoros are a struggle, you could try TimeTimers or similar products. Getting a good visualization of time helps people to auto regulate. I have used them with people with ADHD and they are better than digital timers or old-school clocks.

    If organization is an issue, Getting Things Done (but first read A Liberated Mind, because GTD assumes some things about the mind that aren’t true. I’d also recommend Cynefin, the book, because the natural planning process is not universal and different contexts require different interventions). I’d also recommend Personal Kanban, if you’re organizing your study habits




  • People do or don’t do things depending on three variables: motivation to do it, the ability to do it, and the prompt to do it.

    • Motivation could be lacking in some cases. People need to understand the purpose of turn signals. However, I don’t think there’s an anti-turn signal discourse going around. At least as far as I know.
    • I don’t think it’s ability, because activating turn signals is relatively easy for most people.
    • I think prompts could also be lacking.

    How do we change this?

    The Behavior Design answer would be something like this: We need to patiently and kindly train people to recognize prompts to the turn signals. “When you get to the corner, put your left hand on the turn-signal control and move it up. Then turn right.” We also need to celebrate it the instant they do it. “Perfect”. Of course, you need to have a good relationship with whomever you’re doing this with.

    Now, that is not the only solution; there are many. We might have one solution if we zoom in on one person. We might have another solution if we zoom out to a whole city or country.

    In any case, if we want to solve the problem with Behavior Design, you could check out Tiny Habits.



  • Interesting. So the terms of service have not changed, and yet people are saying that they did. I wonder if there are criticisms that are still valid. For example, the terms of service that you linked:

    • do not let me use a VPN (¶6.4)
    • do not let me use glitches (¶6.4)
    • do not let me own the copy of the game that I bought, but instead give me a limited license to it (¶2.1-2.2)
    • do not inform me about future updates to their terms of service (¶10.2)
    • force me to enter arbitration and do not let me be part of a class action lawsuit or have a trial by jury (¶17.5)
    • link to their privacy policy, which:
      • does not let me opt out of having my data bought, merged, and sold through ad networks or data brokers (§ Categories of Information Collected, § How We Use Information and Our Legal Grounds, § Sources of Information We Collect, and § When We Share Information ¶ 5— all sources combined)
      • does not attempt to deliberately minimize data collection to protect my data. With the only exception of children’s data, their purposes are extremely vague (§ How We Use Information and Our Legal Grounds, as well as the entire document, because they do not attempt to do this in their privacy policy)
      • does not attempt to anonymize my data (I cannot provide a citation because there is no attempt to do this in their privacy policy)
      • does not specify the purposes of gathering and using information about any installed application on my device (§ Categories of Information Collected— this is especially worrying)
      • does not let me opt-out of data collection categories for specific purposes (cannot give a direct citation because they simply do not do it; instead, they wrote vague types of information they collect —such as “details about… other information related to installed applications” in § Categories of Information Collected, as well as vague purposes in § How We Use Information)

    So, coming back to the original claim you were debunking:

    They added spyware to it.

    Your response was

    No, they didn’t.

    And I agree with you, now that I have read their terms of service and their privacy policy. Of course, we’re assuming that they haven’t changed their terms of service. If we assume that, then their spyware clauses weren’t added. No. They were always there. They have always said that they gather “details about… other information related to installed applications” on my device for purposes that can include merging and selling my data to data brokers and ad networks.